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| Tonight bored, I continue my exploration of the Holocaust. Yesterday night I watched an old documentary shot in the year when Holocaust happening. Images after images of stick skinny corpses are disposed and buried in a common pit have reincurred constantly in my head today. Tonight I watched another documentary about a Jew from the States returning to Germany to explore the various aspects of what people today think of Holocaust.
AFter the documentary, I'm deeply moved by the Marian's experience. I can't imagine how much hatred and sorrow would be burying inside my heart if my entire family is executed brutally and insensibly by others. Holocaust is a shame to the human history, a shame to the Germans, a shame to humanity. When the film is exploring the younger generation's view towards Holocaust, I was shocked. From their perspective, they have barely nothing related to that part of the history, neither do they have any interaction and association with Jews. However, comparatively, they are not educated to share the sympathy or the loss of dignity of the victims that the Americans' students would extract out of history class. What I'm even more disappointed is that they don't seem to be interested in further exploring the justification of this tragic happening and gain a better understanding of what Jews was going through just a few decades ago.
But, maybe it's all down to a natural human reaction, you don't want to constant admit that you have done wrongs, especially you didn't do it "personally". Just like in the interview with a second generation German descendant, he expressed that the older people are unwilling to talk the killings of the Jews, especially, when they are asked "how many people did you kill?" We can't claim that Germans were the only cruel human being on earth b/c humanity tends to be neglected when wars are happening. Morality is no longer a consideration, and no justification is needed for any selfish acts and cruelty. Who can claim that Americans are right when they are torturing the prisoners in Guantamo Bay? Who can justify the rape in Nanjing by the Japanese?
One thing that I appreciate about the German govt is that they seem to be acknowledging the painful past of Holocaust, and they are committing efforts into building monuments and memorials. But, undoubtably, there are many anti forces against the constructions. What I'm concerned about is that we may slowly forget past as time passes, just like how the Germans are so indifferent towards the genocide.
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| just watched a Frontline documentary on global warming
in the film, they were discussing sources of energy, from fossil fuel to coal to gas to renewable energy
i think the foremost important issue is that as a consumer, we need to be responsible to the environment
we are the fundamental power that changes the market, changes a business decision making, changes global warming
as shown in the film, the US big 3 auto companies had a deal w/ the Clinton administration to develop hybrid cars with 10 billion help
instead, the campaign slowly died down and the focus is shifted to huge SUV trucks instead cuz they are the most profit maximizing product.. but ironically, toyota and honda freaked out at the advantage given at that time to the big 3, and invested tons into hybrid R&D.. now as the result, the big 3 is slaughtered by the market, and had no choice but to play catch up
many of those companies claimed to be socially responsible.. yeah.. my ass
many of the changes and ideas are not implemented until the consumers ultimately demand it
after all, they are still doing what they need to profit maximize and show the highest revenue and growth so they can be responsible for the stakeholders
at the same time, i really think the areas with renewable energy can be really profitable
and there are still a lot of rooms for development in technology and ideas
i have always been a big fan on the environment, but after the film i realize maybe i can invest my career in green tech development or renewable energy
it would be an interesting path, or even start a company? lol
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| sigh school sucks
i lost motivation to push myself forward
the premise of going to MBA school isnt compelling enough to drive me anymore
awwww
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| now is the recruiting season,
everything is pressing against me
unsettled schedule, fucking waitlist that never processes
my incompetence and lack of confidence is driving me to the corner
i have thought to myself over and over again
should i try for consulting
should i apply for Boston consulting group, bain, Deloitte consulting?
I dont know..
i dont even have the courage to go BCG and bain's info sessions
im such a failure
sometimes i cant even face myself, yet at the same time, im so frustrated at my inability
so skeptical, yet so desperate to break through the wall in front of me
on the way, i just keep making different excuses to tell myself not to think about it
there will be so many competitive ibankers, now is not the time to go into consulting, you can do consulting after mba, accounting pays almost equally well, and it goes on
sometimes.. i just wonder
is it b/c i dont want it bad enough
i remember someone says that, the barriers are there to prevent ppl who dont want it bad enough
i guess im one of them
even w/ deloitte audit, im not satisfied
i think i can go beyond accounting
but w/ this economy, w/ 340 ppl applied for one of the big 4's, w/ the pressing deadline to the offer
im just overwhelmed at the future career
so limited, so intimidated, so paranoid
i have always known that i have issues w/ my self confidence
i guess consulting is a hurdle to test my real courage
a real challenge that truly reveals my inner self
why does life feel so depressing...
maybe i just over-worry
fuck it.. urgh
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| prepping for consulting interviews is so not fun
in addition to the need to update resumes and write cover letters
why didnt i start earlier
shoot meeeee | | |
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